Wow, It feels so strange to be typing away as I am now (or if you happen to be reading this: as I had typed). I’m not too sure why I stopped but I think it happens to most of the bloggers in this community, or maybe it’s something i’ve been noticing as of recent across various platforms: lack of creativity. And this isn’t me reflecting on other’s creativity or their individual content, this is more of what i’ve read and come across -something I can relate to in general.
If i’m going to be general, I may as well put out that yes, I might’ve fallen out of reading. My passion for reading became something of an internalized pressure that I had implemented through my constant fear that if I didn’t post I’d get in some kind of Literary-Web-Police. So most of my reading became more and more of a struggle to push through … and in all honesty I avoided reading for leisure because I feared that if I did, I wouldn’t want to any longer. Irrational yet relatable at the time, I found anxiety to be the only active part of myself because i’m the type of person to take too much on their shoulders and struggle to bear the weight of one -and in this case, school and theatre came first.
My writing and reading halted. I’ve been in this constant state of stuck where i’ve missed the community so much, the only thing I would do would be me scrolling through my Twitter and Instagram feed and scroll on -no interaction … nothing.
I think as of recent -meaning the social unrest that has plagued our country due to human right issues and my complete dislike of the political state- i’ve become more involved with these thoughts for helping spread diversity. Not only has this helped me as an individual, but it has helped me in my Journalism class.
Random fact: I am indeed a Journalist! You can check out my school’s e-paper here: The Bolt Live As a Journalist, I make it my usual goal to help those without a voice by either writing those articles or pitching them during meetings.
This has also helped my essay prompts in IB English, where most of my theses have included the topic of Feminism and anti-feminist thoughts perceived through the writing in assigned literary works such as: The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien and Thousand Cranes by Yasunari Kawabata. But in light of my absence, I do have to say that I have found a new passion in books through a diverse and feminist perspective. This mainly derives from my our last required book by previously mentioned Kawabata -omg that book was so effing good.
Anyways, let me get to the point: I’ve changed. I’m seventeen now and my perspective of a load of different things from political to literary have narrowed and I know where I want to be. I know what I like to read and what I want to show all of you. I’ve been blogging for so long, I’ve lost sight of my original plans for my platform. My passion of reading may have indeed taken a hard blow, but it’s back.
I recently picked up The Vegetarian by Han Kang -which was a possibility for my Extended Essay, but I’m still kind of stuck- and wow am I freaking out and falling in love again. Kang’s writing is different and the story is terrifying yet intricate in its own, unfolding way.
**The Vegetarian is also not YA, and I definitely recommend everyone to read it. However I find it my responsibility to include the mention of trigger warnings.
As of now, Endlessly Reading will not be the same. Boorish reviews and the constant book features will cease and include lifestyle elements, I mean it’s only fitting since my tagline: You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Novel basically spits ‘lifestyle + books’. I have so many actual plans for my blog, I can’t wait to share them with you all. And a sincere thank you to all who’ve followed, it means so much that you’ve stuck around.
And a special thank you to the Black Sheep squad (Tika, Shelly, Joey, Aila and Jamie): You’ve always had a way of making me feel apart of the community, even when I wasn’t there. A literary home of sorts.